Friday, January 21, 2011

21 and Above

21. What is it about that number that we Americans love? Beyond the obvious answer being the ability to get wasted legally, why do we officially christen young people as “adults” once they hit the big 2-1?

Yeah, they can smoke like chimneys and shoot automatic weapons at brown people in the military at 18, but they still can’t see naked boobies at XXX joints or get a Jack Daniels without begging the guy outside the liquor store to buy some for them.

What happened to America that made her change her mind about allowing 10 year olds to drown their sorrows at the bar after failing their geometry tests (You know, like way back in the 1890s)? Why does 21 rule?

Could it be the way 21 sounds when you say it? The number does sound a lot sexier on the ears than 14 or 11, especially when you imagine Marilyn Monroe or Pierce Bronsman saying it. Try saying every number from 1 to 21 in your head in the most exotic way and say it isn’t true! “Twenty onnnneeeeeee! Twenty-oneeeeeeeee!”

It isn’t? Ah, what do you guys know, with your lame, super-fast, 4G powered Blackberries and high-definition television sets with 1080p formats and Blue Ray? Sconex still rules!
Maybe we’re not fascinated by the way 21 sounds, but rather the second digit that makes it up. People always strive to be “Numero Uno” in everything they do. That’s what makes up the American spirit. That’s why we are considered the number 1 country on the planet, until China comes knocking for its money.
Our presidents are referred to as “Leaders of The Free World,” further implying number 1 status. Rap star Nelly even made a song called “#1,” though it never quite reached that status on the Billboard Hot 100. Bottom line is we love 1.

So would it really be crazy to say this is the reason 21 is the 100 percent legal age in the United States? Think about it. The tallest, oldest kids were always 1st in line to drink from the water fountain back in elementary school. That privilege seems to apply to 21-year olds in a sense.

They get 1st and only dibs on the booze and strippers while the younger folk have to settle for virgin Daiquiris and Penthouse Monthlies.
But don’t fret though. Tis’the way of human life, and has been since time began. When all you filthy underagies become awesome overagers, you’ll take Big Billy’s place at the fountain and bully the younger kids (Ok, you probably shouldn’t do that, but if you do, you never read this piece.Got it?).

Hold up. You still think that’s bogus? What happened to those wonderful times when kids were not to be seen or heard? Perhaps we should bring the old school back. Well, there is one more possibility.
Maybe 21 was chosen as the all-essential legal age because of how it looks when you write it down on paper with a really curvy 2 and 1. Like the way 7 looks on a fancy-schmancy French restaurant menu. Sure, you could do the same to 18, but…it’s 18. Nobody really cares about it as much. And don’t even bring up 17. That number looks more like that ugly mole you see on your face the day you turn 16. Ewwww to the 1-6, by the way

Does that finally work for you? NO??? Ahh, you dudes are insufferable little punks. You only believe what they tell you in schools and online. Know something? The real reason 21 is the official legal age in America is because long ago, 21 kicked numbers 20-1’s butts in a battle royale at the center of the Earth. The other numbers, from 22 to infinity, decided it was best not to mess with 21, so it became the Alpha number. That’s the story. Take it or leave it